Irredeemable
by DiscoAtTheFFnet
Summary: "He was going to wear a fedora and be kind of creepy, with no obvious redeeming qualities." - Toby Fox on his original Papyrus concept Papyrus was just too great to have friends. Too cool. Too smart. That had to be it. It had to be.


Papyrus had always been a sweet kid, but he was an awkward kid. A "weird" kid.

He was the kind of kid who smiled all the time. It wasn't that he was happy all the time; he thought it would make him seem friendly. Maybe people would see that and like him. He wanted that. He wanted more than anything in the world to make a friend.

It never seemed to happen.

He tried everything. Nothing worked.

* * *

" _SANS… WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"_

" _what do you mean? nothing's wrong with you."_

" _NO, SOMETHING IS. MAYBE I'M JUST… LAME AND STUPID AND WEIRD. MAYBE THAT'S WHY NO ONE WILL BE MY FRIEND."_

" _bro you're the coolest, smartest person i know. you're great, okay, and don't you ever forget that."_

" _THEN WHY DOESN'T ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT…? WHAT'S… WHY DO THEY ALL HATE ME?"_

" _...nobody could_ _ **ever**_ _hate you, bro._ _ **never**_ _. maybe… maybe you're just too cool for them! too smart and great and they're just jealous. i dunno, man. kids can be mean, but they have to be dumb if they don't like you."_

* * *

He grew up.

Sans started a new job at the casino in Hotland, and Papyrus saw less and less of him as his hours got longer and longer. The money was good, they had more than they'd ever imagined, but Papyrus felt… abandoned. He knew it wasn't healthy to cling so much to his brother, but his brother was the only one who seemed to even tolerate him, and he was just so achingly _lonely._

He gave up on making friends. He was just too smart for the others. Too great. Too enlightened. That's why they didn't like him. It… it had to be. Because the only other option he saw was that he wasn't worthy of friends, that something was inherently wrong with him… he was trying to be _optimistic_ , but it twisted and corroded under the growing weight of all that isolation into something ugly and bitter.

He tried to play the aloof cool-guy loner but he wasn't a great match for the role. Still, it was better than being the weirdo loser with no friends.

He did what he could to keep himself propped up, leaping at every excuse to seem "objectively cool" or "intellectual," because no one could argue that those things were dumb or unworthy without proving the point that they just could not appreciate how great he was.

And… maybe someone would be impressed?

* * *

Sans noticed the gradual change but he didn't know what to do about it. Papyrus was such a good kid, a real sweetheart, but as he approached adulthood… this wasn't teenage rebellion. This was… Sans knew what it felt like to be jaded and bitter, he just never expected bright little Papyrus to know that feeling, too. And unlike him, Papyrus never did things halfway. Everything was done with intensity and focus. Everything was taken to its logical extreme. In this case, Papyrus went all out with the apparently-hereditary cynical arrogance.

Papyrus's current phase hadn't spared San (far from it at times), but while he scoffed at others consistently and didn't ever seem to stop it with the smug bullshit, with Sans, sometimes he would drop the act. A dumb pun leading to a genuine giggle slipping out that he didn't bother to hide, a fond smile when he saw the dusty " _Peek A Boo with Fluffy Bunny_ " on the bookshelf. Some days Sans would catch him curled up on the couch with the ratty old scarf he'd bought him around his neck. He said it didn't go with his cool, sophisticated new style, that it wasn't worthy of his "image," but Sans noticed some of the old tears had been lovingly mended by hand.

* * *

"what's this show, bro?"

"MY LITTLE BONY!"

"isn't that for baby bones…? you watching it 'ironically'?"

Papyrus twitched, frowned. "YOU MIGHT THINK SO! BUT NO! I HAD INTENDED TO, BUT I DISCOVERED IT IS ACTUALLY A WELL WRITTEN MODERN MASTERPIECE!"

"huh. well, glad you found a show you like. what's it about?"

"IT'S ABOUT BONIES, _OBVIOUSLY_."

Sans didn't question it. Papyrus never seemed to be into much lately without the heavy layers of cynicism keeping it at a distance. He didn't seem to ever _just_ like things anymore. Everything he was into he either had an excuse to enjoy or he liked because it made a _statement._

Sans watched a few episodes with him. It wasn't bad. He paid more attention to Papyrus than the cartoon, though, the way his face subtly lit up whenever things came to a positive resolution or someone declared or reaffirmed their friendship. The way he fidgeted and frowned every time two characters fought, even if it was obvious those little bonies would be making up by the end of the half hour. Even if it was obvious he'd seen this episode a million times before.

It wasn't uncommon for monsters to live vicariously though shows or movies or books. Life in the Underground was miserable and boring at the best of times. A monster could imagine being strong or special. They could imagine going on adventures, seeing sights that weren't possible underground. They could get entangled in all the romance and the drama of a human soap opera or solve mysteries along with their detective novels. Most monsters sought _something_ they were missing and thought they could never have otherwise.

Papyrus didn't seem to be looking for freedom or adventure or glory. It seemed even after all this time, all he wanted was friendship.

Sans's heart broke a little.

* * *

Papyrus had always wanted to join the Royal Guard as a kid, but he had completely stopped talking about it by the time he was old enough to be considered.

Sans hadn't even realized he was still interested until he came home one day in a quiet rage. The old brother asked what was wrong, and all at once the floodgates opened up.

Apparently Papyrus had met with the Captain. It hadn't gone well.

He ranted, he raved, he swore. He'd apparently been training in secret. He deserved this. Why didn't they see how great he was? He was throwing a tantrum, frankly, but Sans let him get it all out.

Fat tears and ugly sobbing.

"THE ONE THING THAT I NEEDED TO PROVE MYSELF FOR AND I COULDN'T DO IT. MY ONE CHANCE TO PROVE HOW GREAT I AM. MY ONE CHANCE TO… TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE ME… AND I COULDN'T EVEN GET IT RIGHT. I… I REALLY AM A FAILURE…"

Sans tried to comfort him, but nothing seemed to work.

If Papyrus was bitter before, there wasn't a word to describe him after that.

* * *

Papyrus had always been a neat freak to an absurd degree, which made it all the more difficult to ignore the stacks of used bowls and cups that stacked up in his room, or the way he'd just leave his pillow or covers lying on the floor if they happened to fall off the rarely-made bed. Sans saw the signs. He knew them well. In little ways that built and built: missed meals and long naps for the kid who once never slept.

On a good day, Papyrus would sit on the couch watching My Little Bony episodes he'd seen a thousand times. On a great day, he'd leave and go attend to his puzzle traps in the forest, safety hazards the Guard only put up with because if he hadn't built some, the sentries would have been expected to. He'd inevitably return on those days ranting about the stupid dogs and how much he despised the cold, and Sans appreciated it because at least his brother was talking to him about _something._ On a fantastic day the old dishes and utensils from Papyrus's desk would find their way to the sink, and on a truly miraculous day, they would find their way back out and into the cupboards within the first 24 hours as one of them found the energy to wash them.

On a bad day, Papyrus didn't leave his room at all.

And then, of course, started the bad weeks.

Sans was getting worried. Actually, he'd _been_ worried. But he had no idea what to _do_. Papyrus was sinking further and further: from the goofy little kid who hugged everyone he met, to an arrogant young man who was angry at the world and even angrier at himself. He was so miserable, and so clearly as broken as Sans himself was, maybe even more so.

Sans still found the energy to _care_ , even if the energy and knowledge to fix it was lost to him.

It started to feel like things were never going to change, that they would be stuck in the same downward spiral, on a loop, forever.

Then the human came.

* * *

Sans heard the news from almost the moment the kid hit ground in the Ruins. Usually word from there rarely traveled quickly, if it traveled at all, but Sans made it a habit to know everybody, and he gained a reputation for being the guy to turn to when you needed to unload the latest gossip. He was good at keeping secrets, and good at using secrets. These are the kinds of tricks you learn when you're basically running a casino.

Meet people. Learn things. Call in favors.

He was waiting by the door by the time the human exited. What he hadn't expected was for Papyrus to show up in the forest not 5 minutes after, wearing some ridiculous costume with a cape and collar he'd made once for a convention at the Capital he'd decided to skip at the last minute, almost deranged grin plastered over his face.

Sans was speechless. Today had all the makings of a bad day. It had been a bad week.

"...Papyrus?"

"BEWARE, BROTHER! THERE IS A HUMAN ON THE LOOSE! THE ONLY THING IN THE WAY OF THEIR REIGN OF TERROR REACHING SNOWDIN ARE MY BRILLIANT PUZZLE-TRAPS! DON'T YOU SEE, SANS? IF I'M THE ONE TO STOP THE HUMAN…!" he didn't finish the thought. He just gave him a grin, too large, unsuited for his face. Giddy. Maniacal.

"SANS, THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

* * *

" _listen kid… my brother's been kinda down lately, and just seeing you's already made his day. so do me a favor and play along._

 _..._

" _and uh… please be nice to him, alright? he really is a cool guy. on the inside."_

 _"...deep on the inside."_

* * *

The best day of Papyrus's life wasn't going according to plan, to his increasing frustration.

The human was a crafty one! He ALMOST admired that, _almost_ appreciated that they were having fun, but he was more focused on how many of his puzzles were proving to be utterly _worthless_. Sure, they seemed great when he was coming up with them, but then the _stupid_ sentries complained that they were "blatantly dangerous." Teenagers could get hurt, they said. The guards could get hurt, they said. (He really _didn't_ want anyone to get hurt, especially because of him… but… but...) So he'd dumbed them down, and now! Now because he dumbed them down the human was getting through with barely a scratch each time! How was he supposed to prove himself if his traps didn't _at least_ cause grievous injury?

The more dangerous the puzzle, the easier the human seemed to get it. They did get trapped for a while, at one point, and Papyrus had been there. Perhaps he should have captured them then… but he wanted to see if they _could_ escape. He wanted to know if it all was really as ingenious as it was meant to be, then he could tell everyone, and everyone would have to be really impressed. And then… then…!

( _Then maybe someone would want something to do with him._ )

Unfortunately the child was very determined and found a way out. He nearly threw a fit. Maybe he _did_ throw a fit. Just a bit.

Papyrus's day was completely ruined once the kid reached the Gauntlet of Deadly Terror. It was perfectly engineered! There was such a small frame of time for the human to actually get through without a scratch, and somehow, on the first try, they did just that! The human was going to make him the laughing stock of the Underground!

He hated them. _**He hated them!**_

But if his puzzles couldn't do the job… FINE! He had trained! He had worked hard! And even if the Guard didn't want him, and he didn't want the Guard (who NEEDS them!? He was smarter and cooler and BETTER than they were, and he was going show them all!) but he could still be the one to stop the human! He could make Captain Undyne regret what she refused to appreciate!

(And if fighting the human didn't go according to plan, like most things in his life… well, people might at least remember him as brave.)

* * *

" _YOU'RE… YOU'RE TOO WEAK! I… I… I'LL JUST HAVE TO CAPTURE YOU! AND… CALL THE GUARD CAPTAIN? OR… MAYBE JUST TAKE YOU TO THE KING MYSELF! ALTHOUGH … UGH, WHATEVER! I'LL FIGURE IT OUT! YOU'RE MY PRISONER, NOW!"_

"… _HUMAN? HUMAN WHERE DID YOU GO!? YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO LEAVE!"_

" _WHATEVER. YOU'VE BESTED ME THIS TIME, HUMAN. DO WHAT YOU WILL, THIS FIGHT IS OVER. I'VE FAILED AGAIN."_

 _..._

" _... Friends? W-what? You… you really want to be my-? AHEM! ...I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU DO! I'M EXTREMELY SELECTIVE ABOUT MY CHOSEN COMPANIONS. SO FEW MONSTERS CAN EVER MEET MY STANDARDS. I SUPPOSE IT IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!"_

* * *

Papyrus would never admit that he cried when he got back to his room. Maybe he was right when he said this was the best day of his life.

A _friend._

He had a _friend_.

Relief, gratitude, and all the things he'd buried bubbled up inside of him, and while he refused to let anyone see, he could never, **ever** forget how that single declaration of friendship made him feel.

That single, wonderful victory.

* * *

" _hey bro, maybe… uh… maybe you should stop calling the kid so much? let them have a break or something? for a bit?"_

" _I CAN'T DO THAT! WE'RE FRIENDS."_

" _yeah... i know but… friends aren't constantly calling each other. they leave each other alone sometimes. you know, give each other some breathing space?"_

" _FRIENDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER, SANS. HOW IS THE HUMAN SUPPOSED TO KNOW I AM THERE FOR THEM IF I DO NOT REMIND THEM!?"_

" _i'm sure they know it, bro…"_

" _WELL I'D RATHER NOT TAKE ANY CHANCES! I COULD PROBABLY CALL THEM LESS IF THEY CALLED ME… BUT THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM! I'M HELPING THEM BY REDUCING THE NUMBER OF BUTTONS THEY MUST TO PRESS TO HEAR MY LOVELY VOICE. YET ANOTHER BENEFIT TO MY FRIENDSHIP!"_

" _heh. well, have fun. i'm glad you made such a great friend."_

" _THEY ARE EXTREMELY LUCKY TO HAVE ME!"_

* * *

The human got curious.

The human got **bored**.

* * *

 **The world stuttered.**

Sans heard the news from almost the moment the kid hit ground in the Ruins. Usually word from there rarely traveled quickly, if it traveled at all, but Sans made it a habit to know everybody, and he gained a reputation for being the guy to turn to when you needed to unload the latest gossip. He was good at keeping secrets, and good at using secrets. These are the kinds of tricks you learn when you're basically running a casino.

Meet people. Learn things. Call in favors.

He was waiting by the door by the time the human exited.

Suddenly, Sans could tell he'd been here before. The deja vu was overwhelming. But something had gone wrong. The human was covered head-to-toe in fine powder, and he knew what this all might be leading to.

When not five minutes later, his brother appeared, sporting a ridiculous costume and deranged grin, Sans felt something crawling up his back.

He could see the events already set into motion, their logical conclusion, and the all-too-familiar feeling washed over him. He didn't know what to do.

He didn't know how to fix this.

He didn't know how to **stop** this.

He didn't think he could.

* * *

When Papyrus had heard the human was on the loose, he thought of the fame, the glory! He had thought it would be the best day of his life.

He was quickly proven incorrect.

The human shambled past each and every puzzle, every trap, like an expert. Some of them malfunctioned, which _never_ should have happened. If he'd just been re-calibrating every day…! (He'd messed this up, hadn't he?) Others were like they were already solved before the human ever arrived. No doubt the work of a lazy, worthless sentry, the type whose job would be better served had _**he**_ been the one given the role. Sometimes the human would stall between puzzles, taking longer than he'd expect to reach the next area, but he was not so foolish as to believe it was because of his efforts at intimidation. They always continued onward even filthier than they had been last time saw them. He wasn't so naive that he didn't know what it was the clung to the human like flour, too gray, sooty, with the sickening shimmer of magic that had been rotted, corrupted and spent.

Papyrus was very smart, a genius really, but he didn't _have_ to be to understand.

Especially not when he let the human get too close, close enough to take a swing at him.

A swing that only missed only by luck and reflexes that were somehow still sharp, despite his lack of recent training. A swing that made his entire life flash before his eyes. Every friend he never made, every day he cried himself to sleep, trying to keep quiet so Sans couldn't hear his weakness. Every dream that never came true and all the ones that were still attainable, still within reach, still possible, if temporarily forgotten. All the reasons to keep fighting. He saw everything in a moment, in a flash, and he saw what was coming.

 _The human was going to end everything that stood in its path._

He should have been afraid, and he was… but something… something else was occupying his thoughts.

He stared into those dull eyes, panicked magic coursing through his bones, and what he saw in the human's eyes, their very soul, was _boredom._

He should have been scared. He **was** scared. He was very scared. He'd never been so scared in his _life._

But he saw something else.

* * *

"i'm sorry they didn't like your puzzles, pap. you, uh, think it's time to go join the evacuation now?"

Papyrus was staring in the direction they both knew the human would be coming from, across the long rock that lead to town, one Papyrus used to lament should have been a cool precarious bridge instead.

Sans wasn't sure how he thought his brother would be feeling about this. Lately anger and indifference seemed to be his only settings. Fear, maybe, if he realized what the human was. Hurt ego and pride, perhaps, that his traps had done so little to hold them back.

"I'M NOT EVACUATING."

"bro?"

Papyrus's gaze was distant and Sans found his expression to be all-together unreadable. He'd never seen that particular twitch of his jaw, the posture, the way his brow was slightly scrunched.

 _What was that look?_

It had to be the pride thing. It had to be.

"papyrus, all the monsters in the ruins, on the way here, the dogs… the door. nothin's stopping them. you don't have to… i know your puzzles didn't stop them but…"

"YOU SHOULD JOIN THE EVACUATION. ILL… I'LL CATCH UP."

Oh no. He was going to fight them. No no no no no… no, please no.

"papyrus… you don't have to do this!"

"BUT I AM GOING TO."

* * *

Papyrus was scared, but resolute.

The warm winds blowing in from Waterfall condensing the cold into a dense fog that obscured everything. It was very dramatic. Very cool. The perfect atmosphere for a final stand.

He could only dimly appreciate the drama of it all as the human stood before him.

He couldn't see their face, but he didn't have to. He could feel the unsettling energy surrounding them. He assumed that was what LOVE felt like. The human probably couldn't see his shudder. That was a comfort.

"HUMAN! I HAVE SOME THINGS TO SAY TO YOU! I…"

The human took a step towards him.

"I SEE THE WAY YOU SHAMBLE ABOUT. ARMS COVERED IN A THICK POWDER. THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES…"

 _ **Step.**_

"I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL LIKE YOUR LIFE… IS GOING DOWN A DANGEROUS PATH."

 _ **Step.**_

"I LOOK AT YOU, HUMAN, AND I SEE SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE. YOU DON'T, DO YOU?"

 _ **Step.**_

"AND I WONDERED... WHY? WHY THAT MIGHT BE."

 _ **Step.**_

"YOU AREN'T HAPPY. YOU DON'T CARE BECAUSE YOU THINK NO ONE DOES. DON'T YOU?"

…

"YOU DON'T THINK ANYONE CARES, NOT REALLY, SO YOU KILL THEM. YOU KILL ALL OF THEM, BECAUSE THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU."

 **Step.**

"BUT I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT THAT, HUMAN! AND I KNOW THAT PEOPLE WHO FEEL HAPPY DON'T DESTROY EVERYTHING IN THEIR PATH FOR NO REASON."

…

"I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE LONELY, HUMAN. I KNOW HOW IT IS TO FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS SO WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU CAN NEVER BE HAPPY. THAT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE FRIENDS."

…

"BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE, HUMAN. BECAUSE I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GLADLY BE YOUR FRIEND!"

 _ **Step.**_

"I LOOK AT YOU AND I SEE MYSELF, AND ALL THE THINGS I'VE FELT BEFORE. THE FRUSTRATION. THE ANGER. AND ALL THE STUPID THINGS YOU TELL YOURSELF TO TRY MAKE THIS SEEM ALRIGHT."

 _ **Step.**_

"BUT MOST OF ALL, I SEE _LONELINESS_. SO… I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU, HUMAN. I'M OFFERING YOU A CHANCE TO START OVER! YOU CAN BE A BETTER PERSON, A HAPPIER PERSON, IF YOU JUST TRY!"

 _ **Step.**_

The human was so close now. Close enough now that they could look into each other's eyes. Close enough now that Papyrus could see the plastic knife, the grains of dust that had once been monsters, that had once been people he probably once knew.

Monsters that he knew he might soon be joining. At least he wouldn't have to stay lonely…

 _ **Step.**_

"NO ONE IS IRREDEEMABLE!"

 _ **Step.**_

* * *

 _ **Papyrus is sparing you.**_


End file.
